SHORT, PITHY BIOGRAPHY of ROSS

Mr. Turner studied acting at New York’s American Academy of Dramatic Arts where he discovered that putting “Mr.” before his name gave him a great deal of assumed credibility. Founded in 1883, the American Academy is the oldest acting school in the English-speaking world, and the finest institution from which Mr. Turner has ever dropped out.

After years of stage acting, commercials, film, and voice-over, Ross began writing comedy professionally in 1992; creating laughs for radio, websites, graphic novels, and comic books. By combining his stage and writing experience, it was only a hop, skip and a jump to performing comedy himself. Within a few years, the hopping, skipping and jumping had become the bounding, bolting and loping for which he has earned critical acclaim. The press has variously described Ross as “a nimble wit…biting and quirky”, “Woody Allen-esque” and “appearing Friday and Saturday.”

While he has no big television credits, Ross often goes out of his way to mention that he has made numerous guest appearances on QVC's Craftsman Workshop. Between hawking drills and routers, Ross performs across the United States and has shared the stage with Dana Carvey, Sue Murphy, Bobby Slayton, Robert Schimmel, and Last Comic Standing's John Heffron and Dat Phan, among many, many others. When his agent can’t pull in the favors required to get him club gigs, Ross can be seen tearing it up at corporate events of Fortune 500 companies like Comcast, Cisco Systems, and 7-Eleven. He is also the producer of the very successful “Comedy Workout” and “4 Over Forty” comedy tours.

Trying to classify Ross’s style is an exercise in futility. A talented storyteller and mimic, he brings an often-bizarre point of view to his stand-up comedy. Ross is an observational comedian – but he finds humor in the everyday events that only exist in his sad, little mind. Fortunately, his audiences happily go along for the ride. Always clean and very original, Ross uncovers the hidden humor in such diverse subjects as people who talk to their pets, open marriage and vegetarianism, which make him a favorite of vegan polygamist dog groomers everywhere.

Although descended from German nobility (his mother is an actual baroness!), Ross never expects his audience to curtsy or bow, but has no problem with genuflection. If you speak to Ross after the show, please do not meet his gaze.

EXTREMELY LONG, ANNOYING BIOGRAPHY of ROSS

ROSS TURNER appears at clubs and casinos across The West. He has opened for Bobby Slayton (The Rat Pack, Ed Wood), Todd Barry (Comedy Central Presents), John Heffron (Last Comic Standing), Steven Kravitz (Nash Bridges), Orny Adams (David Letterman, Comedian), Jeff Dunham (Comedy Central, Hollywood Squares), and the great Robert Schimmel (HBO, Showtime and The Howard Stern Show). Ross looks forward to the day when he doesn’t have to list other people’s credits to impress you. Meanwhile, he can be seen regularly at all the San Francisco comedy clubs, Pepper Belly's Comedy Theater in Fairfield and the San Jose Improv. (For a complete, up-to-date résumé, click here).

Since his first acting role – as the White Rabbit in a second grade production of Alice in Wonderland – Ross knew he was doomed to be on stage. Ross comes from a performance family: his father was in radio, his mother in television, one uncle was a newscaster, another a theatre director. Ross’ grandmother was a big bands pianist and played organ for silent movie houses in Oregon and Northern California. His sister is a successful film and commercial actress in Seattle. Ross credits all these influences for his drive to stay in the collective Turner limelight. “Some people think it’s unhealthy, competing within the family,” he says, “but, someday, I’ll show them. I’LL SHOW THEM ALL!”

Ross was always the class clown, taking comedic roles in various school plays, and often fulfilling command performances during class time. An early press clipping from his high school newspaper mentions Ross doing a “worm impression” during 5th period English Lit. Recalls Turner, “According to the article, I laid flat on my stomach and pulled myself across the floor using only my chin. Honestly, I don’t even remember doing it, but it is my experience that the media doesn’t skew the facts.”

After high school, Ross left small town California (Eureka, population 24,000 and falling) and flew east to study acting and voice at the prestigious American Academy of Dramatic Arts in New York City. With that move, the pressure to succeed was intensified. Competing within the Turner family was one thing, but at the Academy, Ross knew he had to shrug off the over-shadowing intimidation of the school’s most famous graduates. From their portraits in the halls and stairwells, they taunted him: Gary Sandy, Donna Pescow, Randolph Mantooth. Giants all. Could he hope to achieve even a fraction of their greatness?

The answer, for the time being, was a resounding “no.”

After numerous cattle calls, and a few movie roles (opera-goer #312 in Yes, Giorgio with Luciano Pavarotti; frantic fan #57 in The King of Comedy with Robert [Bobby] DeNiro; guy running down the street with lots of other guys in Wrong is Right with Sean Connery), Ross put away the grease paint and the need to name drop, and decided to make real money in a variety of temp jobs: bicycle messenger, paste-up artist, telemarketer. But, none of these satisfied his need to be on stage. They merely satisfied his apparent need to cycle in heavy traffic, glue pieces of paper together, and get phones slammed down in his ear.

Ironically, a return to the stage meant leaving Broadway. In 1988, Ross returned to California to finish his college degree, and was offered a part in a local production of Tomfoolery, a revue of song-parodist Tom Lehrer’s music. Ross sang. Ross danced. He wowed the critics. He was back! For the next eight years his creative juices simmered, then boiled, and finally congealed into a lumpy mass as he pursued various outlets for his talent. He wrote and illustrated parodies for a comic book publisher. He wrote and directed for acting troupes. And, he starred in dozens of stage and radio productions.

When the rigors of stage production began to cut into his eating time, Ross decided he needed to find a career that supported all the creative outlets he craved – writing, performing and directing – without the tedious long hours of rehearsal and adulterous affairs with his leading ladies. That’s when he found stand-up comedy. It made sense, really. Ross had been a devotee of stand-up since childhood when he would imitate Flip Wilson and David Steinberg and Steve Martin around the house. On his high school speech team, he placed consistently, reciting Woody Allen monologues in competitions.

Since entering comedy, Ross has appeared at such nationally-prestigious venues as The Comedy Store in West Hollywood, The San Jose Improv, and The RiverCenter Comedy Club in San Antonio. But, he’s also been seen at the SweetRiver Grill in Eureka, Calif., so maybe he’s not doing as well as he thought.

In the past few years, Ross has taken character voice workshops with the great Terry McGovern (Mrs. Doubtfire, Darkwing Duck), and studied with comedy teachers Kurtis “Jett” Matthews (San Francisco Comedy College, Evening at the Improv) and Greg Dean (Saturday Night Live featured guest).

Based in the San Francisco Bay Area, Ross appears constantly in large casino/hotels, medium-sized theatres, tiny coffee houses and every conceivable venue in between. His influences are Steve Martin and George Carlin when it comes to silly, witty material. Otherwise, he appreciates the honest commentary and storytelling style of such beloved comedians as Bill Cosby and Richard Pryor.

Ross has recently created quite a stir in corporate boardrooms and luncheons, delivering customized jokes and unique presentations for companies and business organizations across the state. His numerous appearances have made his résumé as thick and juicy as a well-done humorous filet mignon in a jocular steak house at a mirthful strip mall.

Ross always works clean, which has made him a favorite at corporate functions, private parties and bar mitzvahs statewide.